My Story

I am in the process of writing a book about all of this. It will basically be this blog with ALL the gaps in between filled in, a true life story,. With ALL the glory details, some of which I’d rather not share, but I have to because it’s important to the story and I want the story to be as accurate as possible, and I admit fault when it’s due.

Stay tuned for updates!

So since it’s been a year and a half since my contract ended, I am now Chief Radiologist at my hospital and am in charge of the entire department (and am basically irreplaceable), basically everyone I work with knows about my monitoring contract because I am as open about it as possible to warn others, and my anonymity is basically non existent at this point, I’m going to post my actual “relapse prevention plan” that they make you send at the end of your contract. They accepted it and didn’t make me re-do it. This is to 1. prove that everything in my blog is fact and not exaggerated and 2. inspire others to fight back. Don’t let them win. And tell them at every opportunity that you think that what they’re doing is absolutely terrible and they should be ashamed of themselves. One time I actually said to my case manager in these exact words “How do you sleep at night knowing you’re ruining good doctors lives? How do you tuck your kids in at night and pretend like you’re doing good in the world? Soon there will be no doctors left and it will be partially your fault”.

Hope you appreciate this as much as I hope you do

I get emails almost once a week now from people looking for advice or support. The best thing I can tell you is that once it ends you really are free. I promise you it does end 

Just wanted everyone to know that I was recently promoted to department head of all of Radiology at my hospital. I am the youngest department head by 20–30 years. So if you think you can never live down a monitoring contract, it is possible, it just takes a lot of hard work to prove yourself again.

Anyone interested in joining a class action lawsuit against HPRP please send me your email via the contact tab and I’ll get an email list going

In my opinion the only way to make a difference is a class action lawsuit and HPRP will keep fabricating diagnoses and extorting us until we do

So my boss came up to me because we’re considering hiring a new neurosurgeon who is also in HPRP and had a lot of questions for me.

Apparently he got a DUI over a year ago and has been in the program since with no issues. Hospitals legally can’t fire you for that, but they can deny hospital privileges on recredentialing aka not renew your contract aka fire you, which is what happened to him.

Everyone has been there at least once in your life where you hope to god you don’t get pulled over because you may be over the limit. Well what if you did get pulled over? It can completely ruin your life if you’re a doctor.

Everyone with a DUI automatically gets reported to HPRP whether you self report or they find out on recredentialing. After that it doesn’t matter if you were the best doctor in the world, everyone immediately looks at you different. All of a sudden you are a liability, even though I’d argue you are less so now because you have HPRP controlling your life. Your career takes a sudden sharp turn down into oblivion. Everyone all of a sudden thinks your incapable of being trusted and are going to show up to work drunk even though the only difference between you and them is that you got caught.

Imagine being a neurosurgeon, one of the longest training programs out there where you’re broke your entire life and now all of a sudden you have one of the highest paying jobs in America. And then you mess up once and it’s all gone. This guy is married with two kids and worked at the prestigious Henry Ford Hospital (same hospital that treated me like garbage when I showed up covered in bruises with a broken clavicle and told them I was afraid to go home because I had an abusive boyfriend living there, and they in return told me that if I missed one more day of work I wouldn’t graduate making it even harder for me to get help). And now I hear whispers of my “erratic behavior” at that time which they of course attributed to me being “on drugs” not the fact that I was literally being abused and essentially human trafficked at home. And now this neurosurgeon can’t get a job to save his life.

I really do hope they do hire him, I’m rooting for him. If they do we’re going to have a long chat….

More and more people are getting extorted by HPRP every day and nothing changes. I get emails at least once a month from people asking for advice. These monitoring programs are ruining people’s lives professionally, financially, and mentally. Something needs to be done. I just hope to god someone reads this who knows how…

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while I just haven’t gotten around to it. I successfully completed my contract 2 months ago after almost 4 years of this shit. They never punished me for the bullshit OWI that got dropped anyways, but only because I had all the evidence to back up my story. I just wanted to let everyone know I made it and my life is finally back to normal.

My last advice is this, you’ll never win so don’t kill yourself fighting them. If you get kicked out then you’re immediately not creditable anymore to anyone and everyone will just chalk you up to being a drug addict. No one will ever believe you or take your side. Your only hope is to play the game and try to find ways to make your life bearable.

The system is broken. Somewhere in the last decade or so people stopped caring about each other and started caring for only themselves. Everyone just wants to protect their own ass. No one in HPRP wants to help you. They will use everything against you as ways to trap you in longer and extort more money out of you (they’ll even spy on you). Luckily Michigan is pretty lenient and will give you multiple second chances where other states won’t. They basically will just extend your contract out to “two years of documented sobriety” no matter what. I got 6 months added for Kratom which is completely legal and I legitimately didn’t know I couldn’t do, and my friend got only 3 added months for MDMA because she was 3 months short of 2 years left. How fucked up is that?!?! You’re just another number to them, nothing is individualized, and they really don’t care.

Everyone assumed I was going to go crazy after my contract was up, but my life isn’t much different aside from not having the added stress and $$ of HPRP. I can have a few beers on the weekends now but I still haven’t even been drunk nor do I want to. I never needed HPRP to stay sober and it never did me even the smallest bit of good, it only tarnished my professional reputation for a bit, made my life a living hell, and made me lose my faith in humanity.

Don’t be ashamed of getting caught in the system. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or not good at your job. Tell as many people as possible to warn them. And is it worth it? No. Probably not. Healthcare is a thankless job that’ll take everything you have if you let it. You have to give 100% all day every day into helping everyone but yourself. Every day I consider switching careers. I just need to make enough money to retire early, I’m thinking age 40.

I originally posted this story yesterday and 2 HOURS LATER my therapist emails me saying my HPRP case manager contacted her asking about it. I took it down to avoid any backlash but I got a call from my case manager this morning saying “they were informed about my blog post from my provider” which was obviously a flat out lie considering my therapist said they contacted her and my psychiatrist obviously doesn’t know about it. And I don’t have any other providers. I also noticed my blog had two followers- my friend and a random account with no name and no email and literally nothing on google meaning it was a fake account literally made to spy on me. There is no other way they would’ve found out about this so quickly. This is so messed up on so many levels. They are spying on you and will apparently go to great lengths to do so, oh and flat out lie about it. Also, you know, this is supposed to be anonymous but I guess that’s totally gone too.

Since the cat is out of the bag now I’m going to repost the original story. I told them the truth just as written in this story. They are mad because I didn’t tell them about it when it happened but we all KNOW if I would’ve told them the truth they never would’ve believed me and they only would’ve punished me, even though I did nothing wrong except put my job and others first once again over my own health and safety. I only took my prescribed medications exactly as prescribed and I knew that for a fact (at least now I have the proof of that). We’ll see if they still end up punishing me… like I haven’t been punished enough over this already.

Original post:

During the height of corona we were short staffed and incredibly overworked. One day after staying late for like the 14th day in a row, once again sacrificing my own well being for others, I fell asleep at the wheel on the way home and ended up parked, asleep, on my neighbors lawn. The only damage was to a couple flowers but I guess someone saw me and assumed I passed out and called the police. Without even knocking on the window or trying to open the unlocked door the first thing the police did was smash my passenger window, which obviously woke me up. They immediately started flashing bright lights in my eyes and interrogating me, asking me if I remembered what happened, which I obviously didn’t because I was asleep. It was very loud with sirens and yelling and I could barley hear what he was saying. He pulled me out of the car and apparently I “stumbled” (granted I just woke up and was starting to have a full on panic attack by now) so he immediately put me into an ambulance without even doing sobriety tests. I was still in my work scrubs. I blew a 0.00

They took my blood in the ER for drug testing, which I willingly gave telling them over and over I was completely sober. They cut up my license and “arrested me” aka gave a piece of paper saying I had been arrested for an OWI even though it would take 3 months for the test results to come back and all the tests done in the ER were all completely negative. They said I could still drive in the meantime but had to carry around a piece of paper saying I had been arrested for an OWI. With literally no proof that I was on anything at all. They treated me like a criminal and it was humiliating. After reading all my ER notes I saw the doctors originally put a history of “intoxicated” but later changed it to “motor vehicle crash” when it was clear I was totally sober. They let me leave after only one hour, when all the results came back negative. The police said they got my phone out of the car, which they didn’t, and I had to pay 400$ to get my car out of the impound lot the next day. And another $200 to get the window fixed. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

This whole time I just assumed when the blood test came back negative this would all just go away, then about 4 months later I got a letter in the mail from the police with a date for an arraignment. Completely dumbfounded and scared, I hired a lawyer.

I was only able to see the blood test results after my lawyer was able to get them for me, otherwise I would’ve gone in completely blind. Once he showed me it was only positive for my prescription medications adderall and gabapentin I figured I was in the clear, but apparently they don’t say how much of something is present, only that it’s present, which is absolutely ridiculous especially when it comes to prescription medications. Theres a big difference between taking your one prescribed pill and 30. For those of you who don’t know what gabapentin is, it’s an anti-seizure medication also commonly used off label for neuropathic pain, in my case migraines. It’s a 3x a day prophylactic medication, meaning you take it every day to prevent a headache, not treat it. I’ve been taking it for 5 years after trying just about every migraine treatment you can think of, it had the least amount of unwanted side effects (including drowsiness) for me compared to all the other medications I tried. It became a controlled substance (the lowest level controlled) about a year or two ago because of people using it when combined with opioids (which I was obviously not on). You would probably have to take 30 of them at once to feel any side effects at all. It PREVENTS pain, doesn’t treat it. Well the police talked about gabapentin in the police report and stated it was a “medication used to treat pain” and appeared to be equating it to an opioid, which it is very much not. I then had to pay $500 to get the second vile of blood sent to an independent laboratory to get the exact levels of the mediations, which were both right in the middle of normal ranges, far away from a level that could possibly cause any negative side effects according to all the literature. I figured now I was definitely in the clear. I was wrong

Apparently it is completely up to the cops discretion whether or not you are impaired DESPITE the levels in your blood. Basically you could have one pill of Benadryl and if the cop thinks you’re impaired they could charge you with an OWI. It’s totally fucked. I told my lawyer that there is plenty of literature out there stating that sleep deprivation is just as impairing as alcohol, and I had been very very sleep deprived from the 100 hour work weeks and emergency surgeries. The ER doctors even stated in their notes that just 1 hour later I was completely normal. I was woken up from deep sleep with my window shattering and a bunch of cops shining flashlights in my eyes screaming “what are you on” so yeah I’m sorry I wasn’t immediately steady on my feet and ready to answer all your questions, not that you even gave me the chance. I was literally in my work scrubs at 10pm at night almost to my house.

My lawyer (which cost me another 5 grand) was able to at least get it down from an OWI to a reckless driving ticket, which isn’t a criminal offense but resulted in 4 points on my license and a 90 day suspension of my drivers license, which is obviously going to be incredibly inconvenient requiring my boyfriend to drive an extra 3 hours out of his way every day to drive me to and from work or a lot more money in ubers. Oh and it cost me another $750 in court fees and fines. In order to fight the reckless driving ticket I would’ve have to go to a jury trial which would’ve cost me a LOT more money and time off work to try to explain that my daily headache medication didn’t impair me and I was sleep deprived from once again sacrificing my own safety and well being to save others. And this is how I get treated in return. Not “are you ok”? but destroying my car, humiliating me, and costing me almost 7 thousand dollars to avoid a criminal charge and possibly losing my medical license. And if I didn’t hire a lawyer I would’ve been totally fucked.

PART 2

Oh I totally forgot to mention part 2 which happened on my WAY to work at 9am 2 months later before the blood tests results came back. I was stretching my neck at a red light (I had surgery for thoracic outlet syndrome a few years ago and it gets really tight/sore in the morning) and the cop pulled me over because “it look like I was passed out” even though as soon as the light turned green I went and was driving completely normal without swerving or speeding or anything. He said it looked like I was “driving with my eyes closed” and when I told him that didn’t make any sense considering I was staying in the lanes just fine he said “I know what I saw”. He then pulled me over to the sidewalk in my scrubs on my way to work and did about an hours worth of sobriety tests a mile from my hospital where patients could see me, searched my whole car, and went through my entire prescription bottle googling every single pill (it’s basally a traveling medicine cabinet and mostly over the counter stuff) and matching them all up the my prescription records. I was two hours late for work and when they were all done they let me out of the back of the police car and simply said “well we don’t have enough evidence to hold you” I was mad at that point and said “evidence of what??? That I have a sore neck??”. They saw a girl with pink hair the day after halloween and I’m positive were trying to find something to justify everything that happened the first time, but once again didn’t find anything and humiliated me and made me late for work. Then he just let me go, no traffic ticket or anything. Didn’t even apologize to me.

This is 100% completely accurate btw. Not overdramatized at ALL

It has recently come to my attention that my anonymous blog is no longer anonymous and could be used against me regardless of the fact that it’s anonymous. The entire point of this was just to bring light to injustices in the system in order to warn other people, but it appears my privacy has been breached, further showing how unethical and frankly illegal these programs are. But they can do whatever they want. They own your life and you have no privacy anymore. So much for having a therapeutic outlet. Apparently they can also ask your therapist to breach confidentially too, which is not only highly unethical but illegal. Not even therapy is a safe space anymore. You have no freedoms left. They own you. So much for innocent till proven guilty. Don’t become a doctor. It’s not worth this.

Since HPRP is apparently spying on my anonymous blog- which by itself is not only a huge invasion of privacy but considering it’s ANONYMOUS don’t know how can be used against me in any way… the story I recently posted is from a FRIEND of mine I posted as my own. This blog is intended to get the word out about unfair punishments in the system. Not every story is about me. Talk about invasion of privacy. Also it’s very clear from the story that my friend did nothing wrong anyways. Apparently you literally have no privacy left in HPRP anymore. What’s next, Cameras in my house? And the fact that it was only a few HOURS after I posted it clearly means they have alerts set for when I write new posts. Well so much for being able to talk freely. Apparently I literally have no freedoms left anymore.

To HPRP which I’m sure will be the first ones reading this… I don’t know how you sleep at night. You are literally ruining people’s lives. Nothing you have ever done has ever helped me in anyway, but you have made me feel worthless, powerless, and hopeless. So many times I have just debated quitting being a doctor entirely because of all this, but I really do love my job and I’m very good at it and literally save people’s lives everyday. All you do is ruin them. You are the most corrupt organization on the planet. I truly don’t believe my step 2 ever happened. I was never given names of the people in this “mystery committee”. I think it was designed to make us believe there was an appeals process in case we ever tried to sue, but there really isn’t. And apparently you have no privacy left anymore.

Does ANYONE that gets referred to you ever NOT end up in a contract? We all know the answer is no. You will torture anyone you can for $$

There is a special place in hell for all of you

So they denied my step 2 request to get out of the 9 month extension I’m under for both the Kratom and the false positive Peth test because I “didn’t meet my contract requirements for release” aka 2 years of sobriety from a FALSE POSITIVE alcohol test. This means the entire system is corrupt from the top down and no one cares.

My therapist told me today that she truly believes that anyone that gets referred to HPRP for any reason ends up in a contract, and she’s been doing this for 10 years. She said the problem has only gotten worse and worse and recently they even asked her to change her diagnosis on a patient (likely to meet criteria for a contract) even though they never meet us or even speak to us and therefore know nothing about us. They only give us a PO Box and we don’t even know where they’re located. We never even know the names of the people who decide our fate. And even though all my providers who have actually met me and know me agree that I should be relieved of these completely unethical extensions, these faceless nameless higher ups are forcing me to stay in my contract for another 9 months. There’s no way that’s not because of the extra 10.000$ in drug testing that’s going to end up costing me. And what can I do about it? Nothing. Sue them but It would take years and cost me a fortune and what would I really gain. This all feels so hopeless