My Story

Life after HPRP

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while I just haven’t gotten around to it. I successfully completed my contract 2 months ago after almost 4 years of this shit. They never punished me for the bullshit OWI that got dropped anyways, but only because I had all the evidence to back up my story. I just wanted to let everyone know I made it and my life is finally back to normal.

My last advice is this, you’ll never win so don’t kill yourself fighting them. If you get kicked out then you’re immediately not creditable anymore to anyone and everyone will just chalk you up to being a drug addict. No one will ever believe you or take your side. Your only hope is to play the game and try to find ways to make your life bearable.

The system is broken. Somewhere in the last decade or so people stopped caring about each other and started caring for only themselves. Everyone just wants to protect their own ass. No one in HPRP wants to help you. They will use everything against you as ways to trap you in longer and extort more money out of you (they’ll even spy on you). Luckily Michigan is pretty lenient and will give you multiple second chances where other states won’t. They basically will just extend your contract out to “two years of documented sobriety” no matter what. I got 6 months added for Kratom which is completely legal and I legitimately didn’t know I couldn’t do, and my friend got only 3 added months for MDMA because she was 3 months short of 2 years left. How fucked up is that?!?! You’re just another number to them, nothing is individualized, and they really don’t care.

Everyone assumed I was going to go crazy after my contract was up, but my life isn’t much different aside from not having the added stress and $$ of HPRP. I can have a few beers on the weekends now but I still haven’t even been drunk nor do I want to. I never needed HPRP to stay sober and it never did me even the smallest bit of good, it only tarnished my professional reputation for a bit, made my life a living hell, and made me lose my faith in humanity.

Don’t be ashamed of getting caught in the system. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or not good at your job. Tell as many people as possible to warn them. And is it worth it? No. Probably not. Healthcare is a thankless job that’ll take everything you have if you let it. You have to give 100% all day every day into helping everyone but yourself. Every day I consider switching careers. I just need to make enough money to retire early, I’m thinking age 40.

BE WARNED – they are watching you

I originally posted this story yesterday and 2 HOURS LATER my therapist emails me saying my HPRP case manager contacted her asking about it. I took it down to avoid any backlash but I got a call from my case manager this morning saying “they were informed about my blog post from my provider” which was obviously a flat out lie considering my therapist said they contacted her and my psychiatrist obviously doesn’t know about it. And I don’t have any other providers. I also noticed my blog had two followers- my friend and a random account with no name and no email and literally nothing on google meaning it was a fake account literally made to spy on me. There is no other way they would’ve found out about this so quickly. This is so messed up on so many levels. They are spying on you and will apparently go to great lengths to do so, oh and flat out lie about it. Also, you know, this is supposed to be anonymous but I guess that’s totally gone too.

Since the cat is out of the bag now I’m going to repost the original story. I told them the truth just as written in this story. They are mad because I didn’t tell them about it when it happened but we all KNOW if I would’ve told them the truth they never would’ve believed me and they only would’ve punished me, even though I did nothing wrong except put my job and others first once again over my own health and safety. I only took my prescribed medications exactly as prescribed and I knew that for a fact (at least now I have the proof of that). We’ll see if they still end up punishing me… like I haven’t been punished enough over this already.

Original post:

During the height of corona we were short staffed and incredibly overworked. One day after staying late for like the 14th day in a row, once again sacrificing my own well being for others, I fell asleep at the wheel on the way home and ended up parked, asleep, on my neighbors lawn. The only damage was to a couple flowers but I guess someone saw me and assumed I passed out and called the police. Without even knocking on the window or trying to open the unlocked door the first thing the police did was smash my passenger window, which obviously woke me up. They immediately started flashing bright lights in my eyes and interrogating me, asking me if I remembered what happened, which I obviously didn’t because I was asleep. It was very loud with sirens and yelling and I could barley hear what he was saying. He pulled me out of the car and apparently I “stumbled” (granted I just woke up and was starting to have a full on panic attack by now) so he immediately put me into an ambulance without even doing sobriety tests. I was still in my work scrubs. I blew a 0.00

They took my blood in the ER for drug testing, which I willingly gave telling them over and over I was completely sober. They cut up my license and “arrested me” aka gave a piece of paper saying I had been arrested for an OWI even though it would take 3 months for the test results to come back and all the tests done in the ER were all completely negative. They said I could still drive in the meantime but had to carry around a piece of paper saying I had been arrested for an OWI. With literally no proof that I was on anything at all. They treated me like a criminal and it was humiliating. After reading all my ER notes I saw the doctors originally put a history of “intoxicated” but later changed it to “motor vehicle crash” when it was clear I was totally sober. They let me leave after only one hour, when all the results came back negative. The police said they got my phone out of the car, which they didn’t, and I had to pay 400$ to get my car out of the impound lot the next day. And another $200 to get the window fixed. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

This whole time I just assumed when the blood test came back negative this would all just go away, then about 4 months later I got a letter in the mail from the police with a date for an arraignment. Completely dumbfounded and scared, I hired a lawyer.

I was only able to see the blood test results after my lawyer was able to get them for me, otherwise I would’ve gone in completely blind. Once he showed me it was only positive for my prescription medications adderall and gabapentin I figured I was in the clear, but apparently they don’t say how much of something is present, only that it’s present, which is absolutely ridiculous especially when it comes to prescription medications. Theres a big difference between taking your one prescribed pill and 30. For those of you who don’t know what gabapentin is, it’s an anti-seizure medication also commonly used off label for neuropathic pain, in my case migraines. It’s a 3x a day prophylactic medication, meaning you take it every day to prevent a headache, not treat it. I’ve been taking it for 5 years after trying just about every migraine treatment you can think of, it had the least amount of unwanted side effects (including drowsiness) for me compared to all the other medications I tried. It became a controlled substance (the lowest level controlled) about a year or two ago because of people using it when combined with opioids (which I was obviously not on). You would probably have to take 30 of them at once to feel any side effects at all. It PREVENTS pain, doesn’t treat it. Well the police talked about gabapentin in the police report and stated it was a “medication used to treat pain” and appeared to be equating it to an opioid, which it is very much not. I then had to pay $500 to get the second vile of blood sent to an independent laboratory to get the exact levels of the mediations, which were both right in the middle of normal ranges, far away from a level that could possibly cause any negative side effects according to all the literature. I figured now I was definitely in the clear. I was wrong

Apparently it is completely up to the cops discretion whether or not you are impaired DESPITE the levels in your blood. Basically you could have one pill of Benadryl and if the cop thinks you’re impaired they could charge you with an OWI. It’s totally fucked. I told my lawyer that there is plenty of literature out there stating that sleep deprivation is just as impairing as alcohol, and I had been very very sleep deprived from the 100 hour work weeks and emergency surgeries. The ER doctors even stated in their notes that just 1 hour later I was completely normal. I was woken up from deep sleep with my window shattering and a bunch of cops shining flashlights in my eyes screaming “what are you on” so yeah I’m sorry I wasn’t immediately steady on my feet and ready to answer all your questions, not that you even gave me the chance. I was literally in my work scrubs at 10pm at night almost to my house.

My lawyer (which cost me another 5 grand) was able to at least get it down from an OWI to a reckless driving ticket, which isn’t a criminal offense but resulted in 4 points on my license and a 90 day suspension of my drivers license, which is obviously going to be incredibly inconvenient requiring my boyfriend to drive an extra 3 hours out of his way every day to drive me to and from work or a lot more money in ubers. Oh and it cost me another $750 in court fees and fines. In order to fight the reckless driving ticket I would’ve have to go to a jury trial which would’ve cost me a LOT more money and time off work to try to explain that my daily headache medication didn’t impair me and I was sleep deprived from once again sacrificing my own safety and well being to save others. And this is how I get treated in return. Not “are you ok”? but destroying my car, humiliating me, and costing me almost 7 thousand dollars to avoid a criminal charge and possibly losing my medical license. And if I didn’t hire a lawyer I would’ve been totally fucked.


Oh I totally forgot to mention part 2 which happened on my WAY to work at 9am 2 months later before the blood tests results came back. I was stretching my neck at a red light (I had surgery for thoracic outlet syndrome a few years ago and it gets really tight/sore in the morning) and the cop pulled me over because “it look like I was passed out” even though as soon as the light turned green I went and was driving completely normal without swerving or speeding or anything. He said it looked like I was “driving with my eyes closed” and when I told him that didn’t make any sense considering I was staying in the lanes just fine he said “I know what I saw”. He then pulled me over to the sidewalk in my scrubs on my way to work and did about an hours worth of sobriety tests a mile from my hospital where patients could see me, searched my whole car, and went through my entire prescription bottle googling every single pill (it’s basally a traveling medicine cabinet and mostly over the counter stuff) and matching them all up the my prescription records. I was two hours late for work and when they were all done they let me out of the back of the police car and simply said “well we don’t have enough evidence to hold you” I was mad at that point and said “evidence of what??? That I have a sore neck??”. They saw a girl with pink hair the day after halloween and I’m positive were trying to find something to justify everything that happened the first time, but once again didn’t find anything and humiliated me and made me late for work. Then he just let me go, no traffic ticket or anything. Didn’t even apologize to me.

This is 100% completely accurate btw. Not overdramatized at ALL

Site temporarily down

It has recently come to my attention that my anonymous blog is no longer anonymous and could be used against me regardless of the fact that it’s anonymous. The entire point of this was just to bring light to injustices in the system in order to warn other people, but it appears my privacy has been breached, further showing how unethical and frankly illegal these programs are. But they can do whatever they want. They own your life and you have no privacy anymore. So much for having a therapeutic outlet. Apparently they can also ask your therapist to breach confidentially too, which is not only highly unethical but illegal. Not even therapy is a safe space anymore. You have no freedoms left. They own you. So much for innocent till proven guilty. Don’t become a doctor. It’s not worth this.


Since HPRP is apparently spying on my anonymous blog- which by itself is not only a huge invasion of privacy but considering it’s ANONYMOUS don’t know how can be used against me in any way… the story I recently posted is from a FRIEND of mine I posted as my own. This blog is intended to get the word out about unfair punishments in the system. Not every story is about me. Talk about invasion of privacy. Also it’s very clear from the story that my friend did nothing wrong anyways. Apparently you literally have no privacy left in HPRP anymore. What’s next, Cameras in my house? And the fact that it was only a few HOURS after I posted it clearly means they have alerts set for when I write new posts. Well so much for being able to talk freely. Apparently I literally have no freedoms left anymore.

To HPRP which I’m sure will be the first ones reading this… I don’t know how you sleep at night. You are literally ruining people’s lives. Nothing you have ever done has ever helped me in anyway, but you have made me feel worthless, powerless, and hopeless. So many times I have just debated quitting being a doctor entirely because of all this, but I really do love my job and I’m very good at it and literally save people’s lives everyday. All you do is ruin them. You are the most corrupt organization on the planet. I truly don’t believe my step 2 ever happened. I was never given names of the people in this “mystery committee”. I think it was designed to make us believe there was an appeals process in case we ever tried to sue, but there really isn’t. And apparently you have no privacy left anymore.

Does ANYONE that gets referred to you ever NOT end up in a contract? We all know the answer is no. You will torture anyone you can for $$

There is a special place in hell for all of you

Deep Seated Corruption

So they denied my step 2 request to get out of the 9 month extension I’m under for both the Kratom and the false positive Peth test because I “didn’t meet my contract requirements for release” aka 2 years of sobriety from a FALSE POSITIVE alcohol test. This means the entire system is corrupt from the top down and no one cares.

My therapist told me today that she truly believes that anyone that gets referred to HPRP for any reason ends up in a contract, and she’s been doing this for 10 years. She said the problem has only gotten worse and worse and recently they even asked her to change her diagnosis on a patient (likely to meet criteria for a contract) even though they never meet us or even speak to us and therefore know nothing about us. They only give us a PO Box and we don’t even know where they’re located. We never even know the names of the people who decide our fate. And even though all my providers who have actually met me and know me agree that I should be relieved of these completely unethical extensions, these faceless nameless higher ups are forcing me to stay in my contract for another 9 months. There’s no way that’s not because of the extra 10.000$ in drug testing that’s going to end up costing me. And what can I do about it? Nothing. Sue them but It would take years and cost me a fortune and what would I really gain. This all feels so hopeless

False positives

So considering PEth testing is not actually FDA approved, and the minimum these programs use as a cut off is lower than the court system, what happens when you get a false positive? Well I’ll tell you exactly what. They punish you for it

I only got these results because I’m doing an appeal to the state medical board, otherwise I never would’ve seen this. I told them I didn’t drink and the only reason I could’ve thought for the positive result was the large amounts of alcohol based surgical scrub I was using, and then I just found out that it says on the ACTUAL REPORT that they can not exclude that as a reason for the positive result!!! Yet they’re using this ONE test result as the reason to keep me in this contract for an extra 9 months because I need “2 years of documented sobriety” and add on another 10 thousand dollars worth of drug testing. The problem is that by the time you get the results back it’s 2–3 weeks later and there’s no confirmatory test available to prove it. I don’t understand how any of this is legal and if I don’t win this appeal I’m 100% going to a lawsuit, which I might do regardless

Peth tests are NOT FDA approved

So I was listening to a podcast called “physician interrupted” (highly recommend) and they did a two part series on drug testing, and guess what I found out? Both Peth testing (blood alcohol tests that go back up to three weeks) and Etg testing are NOT FDA APPROVED TESTS. They have not been properly studied and when they say there are “no false positives” they don’t actually know that because all the testing is small scale, not double blind, and probably done by the test manufacturers and is therefore highly biased. Do monitoring programs care? Obviously not. They will punish you regardless because it’s any excuse to squeeze more money out of you

Weed is now legal, but nothing has changed

Fair warning everyone – with recreational weed being legal in a lot of states a lot more people are partaking thinking that it’s ok, but it’s not for us. I was just told a story about a hospital on the west side of Michigan that had a pharmacy miscount where they thought they were missing some narcotics so they drug tested all the nurses on that shift. That later found out it was simply a miscount and nothing was actually missing…. But one of the nurses came up positive for marijuana that she had done the weekend before, and they put her in the program just for that. Be careful- we are all at risk with even the slightest provocation, even when we did nothing wrong.

Real Recovery

Sorry I haven’t written in a while… I kind of fell in love. Not kind of, I did fall in love. And it changed everything

I would say at this point I’m in solid recovery. Not just from drugs and alcohol, but from everything that happened to me as a whole. I say that because I don’t wake up angry anymore; rage doesn’t consume me every time I check in for drug testing, every time I have to talk to my psychiatrist, get approval for vacation, etc. And it’s because I’m genuinely happy for the first time since all of this started.

The single biggest difference was not ANYTHING the program forced me to do (which only made things worse) but meeting someone who also doesn’t drink and building a life with them. My boyfriend is a recovered alcoholic in 8 years of solid recovery without even a sip of alcohol. He got in a lot of trouble when he was young because of alcohol and completely cut it out of his life. See, dating someone who drinks is hard when you don’t, especially when you’re being told not to for reasons you don’t agree with or think fair. Even if they say they don’t drink that much or care, you’re always going to think you’re taking something away from them. And it’s always going to come up at some point. Watching other people drink and have fun while you’re the only one not drinking is incredibly hard, let’s not kid ourselves. Our culture shoves alcohol down our throats telling us that it makes everything more fun. It’s a very hard social habit to break. But when you’re with someone who also doesn’t drink for similar reasons it makes it infinitely easier. I finally don’t think about it anymore. I watch all my friends drink, but having my person who also isn’t drinking with me, and legitimately doesn’t want to drink, makes me suddenly not care anymore. It doesn’t even come up in conversation anymore. My fridge is literally filled with alcohol that people bring over and since neither one of us drink it just sits there until someone comes over and drinks it. And I’m never even tempted anymore. We constantly remind each other of all the reasons we don’t drink and it’s like having a 24-7 sponsor. I used to always say that once my monitoring contract was over I would go back to responsibly drinking in my free time, but now I really don’t think I will. I have zero desire to drink anymore. I watch all my friends complaining about being hung over and sick, watch them do stupid irresponsible things and act like idiots, and I honestly don’t want that anymore.

Alcohol makes people stupid. It’s dulls us and makes you forget about your problems for a bit, but those problems will still be there. I have a theory that the reason alcohol is legal and other drugs such as mushrooms which have little to no toxicity or health problems (see chart below) are not is because 1. The government and economy makes a LOT of money from alcohol and 2. It keeps us stupid and unlikely to revolt against the corporations and billionaires who profit significantly from us without our knowledge. Alcohol is extremely toxic and I have seen more long term health consequences from alcohol than any other drug. And especially now with corona virus and social isolation, alcoholism is more prevalent than ever. While everyone else is getting drunk on the weekends and wasting their time, I’m not only having fun but learning how to become a DJ, a graphic designer, and learning how to 3D render and animate. I’m not hung over or impaired and never have to worry about a ride home. I’m honestly happier than ever.

My boyfriend and I always say that going to Alcoholics Anonymous made us think about, and miss, alcohol more than ever. I know it’s supposed to tell you all the reasons you shouldn’t drink, but for both of us all it made us do was think about it more than we ever would have without it. I rarely think about alcohol anymore. People who go to AA are totally consumed by it. They spend all their free time talking about and thinking about alcohol instead of living their life without it. The real trick to going without it, is just living your life without it. The hard part is the fact that alcohol is EVERYWHERE. The real trick is just finding something else to occupy your time. Find a hobby you really enjoy, exercise, have parties and find a sober buddy. I promise you it gets easier with time, and eventually you won’t think about it anymore.

I still hate the contract and despise them for everything they put me through and I always will, but all in all I am very happy with how everything turned out. Of course I’m lucky because I still have my career and am VERY good at it, and because of that I’ve been able to build back up my reputation which finally overshadows all the mud they dragged my name through. And I’m lucky because I found the man of my dreams who also doesn’t drink. But if anyone reading this is going through any of the bullshit I had to go through, keep your head up. Things will get better. Play their games and get through it, but never stop fighting for what you believe in

Michigan HPRP provider list

Since I was only given two names in the very beginning, who both had an upfront $400 out of pocket charge on TOP of insurance for “paperwork” only for HPRP (which I didn’t know until I got there and they demanded payment before seeing me, and they don’t all have extra charges like that) I’m going to give you guys a full list of all approved providers and in the next few weeks I will be calling every one and will soon list all of their upfront charges. I’m still 100% convinced there is a quid-pro-quo situation going on here and that the real reason my initial evaluator (Dr Fox- DONT GO TO HIM) grossly exaggerated and even lied on my initial evaluation and then refused to let me see it is because if he didn’t send me to rehab then HPRP wouldn’t “trust him anymore” (he actually said this to me, wish I recorded it) and then he would lose out on this huge cash intake. So don’t go to evaluators who charge an upfront fee!! Here’s the full list as of 8/28/20, will soon update with the fees